


Intimate Knowledge

by Shady_Knight



Series: Till Lindemann Stories [2]
Category: Rammstein
Genre: Age Difference, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Older Man/Younger Woman, Possessive Behavior, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-25 20:08:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19752940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shady_Knight/pseuds/Shady_Knight
Summary: It's been four months since you walked out on Till and you miss him. But, you know what they say, you always meet twice in life.Sequel to Kind Stranger.





	Intimate Knowledge

**Author's Note:**

> Begins in December 2014

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might seem sudden but remember that there IS an off-screen time-skip.
> 
> Also, I'm seeing Rammstein next year, so yay!

Four months since you last spoke with Till. Four months since you walked out on him and Christmas was drawing near, leaving an emptiness in your chest that you couldn't figure out how to fill.  
You hadn't even been in a proper relationship with Till and yet you felt like a part of yourself had been yanked out and stepped on. It wasn't easy by any means not to think about him when something reminded you of the gentle giant, which happened more often than you were comfortable with.

You were certain that you had loved him, against all logic and reason. You had never loved anyone before so you had nothing to compare it to but you were certain that it couldn't be anything less. You were still pining after Till, after all.

You had tried dating guys your age, nice guys, all of them kind and accomodating but it just didn't feel right. You hadn't felt a connection with any of them. _Not like you did with Till._

Well, at least your studies were going alright. And work was good, too. The job took some getting used to - it was different than you had expected - you often found yourself being the one running around, bringing people their stuff - like you were their personal assisstant. You guessed that it might be because your boss, a haughty woman, for some reason didn't really like you. But it paid and that was what mattered.

Today you didn't have any courses and arrived at your work early, you knew that you would probably work overhours - there was a concert that your company was involved with. Some band called Emigrate was playing here in Berlin. You had never heard of them but they had supposedly just released a new album. It probably meant that you would spend the day fetching drinks, equipment and whatever else the clients could come up with. You were wearing a 'uniform' if it could even be called that. It was just a dark shirt that proclaimed you to be part of the crew and black jeans - stagehands weren't supposed to stand out. It was kind of part of your job to blend right in and not be seen.

As you waited for the band members and the rest of the crew to arrive, you checked your phone - you had kept up contact with your old friends reasonably well, considering your introverted nature. You texted back and forth for a bit, asking them about their own studies and smiled to yourself as you imagined some of your more goofy friends being serious about their life for once. An errant thought of Till stole itself into your head - if you had still been speaking, it would've been him you were texting.

Another stagehand tapped you on the shoulder when the 'action' started, i.e. the performers arrived. You were directed to one of the changing rooms and told that it was the singer's. As you were a bit distracted during the introduction, you hadn't really caught his name but you figured you'd just get it from the name tag that would be beside the door. Checking your outfit to make sure you looked presentable, you got his name _R. KRUSPE_ and knocked at the door, briefly waiting for the okay to enter.

The man that greeted you was taller than you with bright eyes and dark hair. He wasn't wearing his outfit for the concert yet and dressed in a simple striped shirt and vest. The nail polish that he wore was strangely complementary.  
He seemed to be agitated as he didn't have a lot of smiles to spare when you greeted him with a demure "Hello, Mr. Kruspe. Can I do something for you?"  
For a moment you were afraid he would be one of _those_ people that had a too high opinion of themselves and were as arrogant as if they had invented the cure for cancer. But when he asked you to get him an additional bottle of water, his tone was not at all condescending.

You were glad that you wouldn't be stuck playing assisstant to an idiot as you went to fetch the water quickly, knowing that he would appreciate it if you didn't take long. When you dealt with someone where, no matter what you did, they weren't pleased, you sometime took a long way on purpose to spite them, but Mr. Kruspe of Emigrate didn't seem like someone who'd deserve this treatment.

When you returned to his room you heard voices and saw that the door was open. A man was standing in the doorway, almost filling it completely with his broadness. You were taken back to months before when you used to stare at that back, but you shook your head. He couldn't...  
"Till, I really didn't think you'd be here."  
Shit. Shit. Shit. It was him. Your eyes hadn't betrayed you. You didn't need to wait to hear his answer, hear his voice to know it was _him_. In your surprise, the plastic bottle dropped to the ground with a thud. You prayed that it wasn't loud enough to catch their attention as you just stood there, paralyzed, like a deer in headlights.

You heart beat like crazy as the blonde man that had his back to you slowly turned to check the source of the noise. You could pinpoint the exact moment that Till recognized you, his face going blank, eyes widening. You didn't wait how he would react properly, as you suddenly bolted, running away from Till and your unresolved feelings.

You ran like a frightened deer, shoes echoing against the floor, blind to where you were really going as long as you got away from him. You didn't know why the sight of him filled you with such a panic, why you couldn't fathom even looking at him when, in truth, you longed for nothing more.

As you were about to round a corner, your lungs burning (there was a reason people warmed themselves up before breaking into a sprint), a large hand closed over your shoulder to slow you down. Your momentum caused you to lose your balance though, making you fall backwards against a solid mass.

You tilted your head back and looked up at an all too familar face. The back of your head was pressed to his chest in this position which was warm and moving with his, also, agitated breaths. You didn't try to scramble away from him - it was pointless, this was Till you were talking about. He'd still be able to hold you in place if you were twice as strong as you were. "Hi", you breathed out, to fill the awkward silence. "Princess", he answered and smiled down at you. "What's with all the running away from me?", the giant asked and spun you around in his arms, settling his hands on your shoulders. "Not that I mind chasing you.", he added which forced you to hold back a smile.

You weren't sure what to say, other than that you were sorry. But that didn't seem like the right thing either. Your heart beating in your chest, you lowered your eyes to look somewhere on the floor; anything to avoid his gaze. _What am I supposed to do?_ , you thought, cursing your luck. This wasn't how you wanted your day to go. A helplessness seemed to fill you and your throat closed up, making it difficult to breathe. There was a pain growing in your chest and you didn't know how to stop it. You didn't want Till to see you like this - you couldn't even figure out _why_ it was happening, you just felt so out of your depth, you had missed Till so much and now he was there and you didn't know, you didn't know what to _do_...

"Hey", Till's voice interrupted your spiral of thoughts and he raised your face with his fingers on your chin. "Don't leave me. What's happening? You don't need to cry.", his gentle touch anchored you. "I didn't think my joke was _that_ bad." You were confused when he mentioned the crying but, surely enough, when you raised your fingers to meet your cheek, they came back wet with tears that you hadn't realised had started to spill. "I...", you started, voice cracking, "I..", you trailed off. Instead you decided to let actions speak for you, wrapping your arms around Till and burying your face in his shirt.

He took the hug wordlessly and returned it with a quiet intensity that both soothed and scared you. "I'm sorry.", you murmured into the fabric covering his heart. Till patted your back, drawing circles over your clothed skin. "There's nothing to be sorry for, princess.", he let you know. "How about we calm you down and then we talk a bit? Does that sound alright?"

You met his green eyes through your blurry, tear-stained gaze. "But I can't - I have work..", you replied, letting go of Till's hulking form. He merely smiled. "Let me take care of it."

~~~

After a bit of back and forth, Till had found a room for the two of you to sit in. You sat across from each other but close enough that your knees almost touched.

"We left a lot of things unsaid.", the man started somberly. You nodded, fiddling with the sleeves of your shirt and biting your lip. "Yeah.", you affirmed, "I just left after you called me a kid."  
That one still hurt and you guessed that your tone revealed that sting since Till shifted uncomfortably in his seat when you said so.

"You didn't let me explain.", he answered and you raised an eyebrow. You were much more composed now. "What is there to explain?", you questioned, a hint of anger colouring your cheeks. Till's face scrunched up and he closed his eyes briefly before saying, "A lot."

Gesturing with your hand, you told him "Then start." You were so very confused. About everything - but most of all your own feelings and his. You wanted to be with him, it was what you had always wanted, you were _in love_ with him after all but you were also unsure, hurt from when he had driven you away, seemingly willingly.

"This _us_. Like I said, it's not going to work, Y/N! And I thought, if you left because you were angry at me, then it would be easier. I didn't plan on hurting you, I just...didn't try to mend things as I should've when I realised I had.", he looked at you, pausing and searching your eyes for any emotion, maybe understanding. "I thought it was best that way. But when I saw you earlier...I knew it was a mistake. You looked so scared to see me...I _hated_ seeing you like that.", Till engulfed one of your hand in both of his, holding on. You let him do as he pleased. "I never want you to be afraid of me."

Your thoughts raced. You wanted to forgive him. You wanted to slap him, to storm out again but what you did was something different. With a voice that couldn't be more toneless if you tried, you told him, "You are an idiot."  
You stood up. "You are the biggest idiot I know."  
Your hand remaining in his, you crossed the few steps over to him and leaned down. "But I'm an idiot, too.", you clarified and hugged him quickly.

"I hated not talking to you.", you revealed to him. Till smiled shyly as you sat back down, dimples forming in his cheeks. "Yeah, me too. Without you, I only had old farts like me to talk to." You snorted, swatting him playfully. "You're not _that_ old.", you returned cheekily. It almost felt like before; you even had the same butterflies filling your belly. The thought made you sober up somewhat. You schooled your features and grapped the armrest of your chair nervously.

"But Till", you began, "I have to know. Do you regret the kiss?"

He sighed and crossed his arms. "I wish I did.", he said at last, heavily. "But I don't." You didn't know how to feel about that particular answer, having hoped for a clear yes or no.  
"Then why are you so against trying? I...I _like_ you a lot and clearly there's something there on your end, too. It doesn't have to be official, it can be as casual as you want, I don't care, but just let's at least try!"  
His stare seemed almost condescending but in a kind way, if that made sense.  
His arms were still crossed, metaphorically blocking you out. "Y/N, this is... about much more than you can imagine. You don't really _want_ to be with me, you want to be with this idea of me that you have in your head. And I'm really not that person. I don't...I'm away too much, I've lived half a life already.", he explained and you weren't sure you believed your ears.

"I'll pretend that you didn't just insult both yourself _and_ myself with that one statement.", you ranted, fearing that this conversation would just go like the one months before. "But Till, you know, I tried to date. I really tried. And it didn't work.", you paused for dramatic effect. "You want to know why?", you bit out, your eyes getting misty again. "I saw them and I looked at them and they weren't you." You never imagined telling him this, leaving yourself so raw and open in front of him.  
"They weren't you and I knew, in my heart, that I couldn't string them along. I felt _sick_ when I thought about them touching me - I only wanted you to touch me! I _knew_. I couldn't, I couldn't let some guy be _my first._ Not when I knew with such certainty that it _had_ to be you." You swallowed hard, watching Till. You saw his jaw clenching, along with his hands which he had balled into fists. His knuckles were white with pressure. "Y/N.", he muttered then, slowly and low. "You really want to torture me, don't you?", he ground out, mirthlessly.

"I'm trying to do what's right here, God, I'm really trying.", he murmured, more to himself. "And then you tell me that you want to give me your virginity."

You face heated up. "And more, if you want it.", you ellaborated.  
He laughed. "And _more.",_ he amended. Till raked a hand through his messily slicked back blonde hair. You followed the motion with your eyes, studying him, the way he looked. He looked tired, if you were being honest.

"Please.", you tried one last time. _"Please,_ Till.", you had never in your life sounded so desperate.  
You were about to have another breakdown, you thought, when he didn't say anything but all of your bad feelings were shocked out of you when Till surged forward, capturing your mouth with his hungrily. You returned the kiss, burying your hands in his hair and letting him dominate you. When his tongue demanded entrance, you let him pass, let him explore your mouth, get to know you more intimately than ever. When you broke apart for air, he held your gaze, "We're going to regret this.", he whispered and you grinned. "I really couldn't care less.", you told him. "Kiss me again."

He touched your nape affectionately. "As my princess commands." A fire alighted inside your veins as he placed kisses on your jaw and finally your lips. You moaned into the kiss, tugging at his hair harder which caused him to grunt, more aroused than hurt. Wanting to get closer to him, you placed yourself in his lap and sighed at the feeling of his legs under you. The chair he was sitting in was soft, like an armchair which meant that you could comfortably place your knees on either side of Till's hips to sit astride him. This evened out Till's height advantage only to the point that you were now on an eye-level to each other.

Preferably, you wanted to yank his clothes off here and now but you knew that that really wasn't a good idea. Instead you busied yourself by touching his broad chest all over, while being kissed silly by the blonde underneath you.

Both of you knew that you had to hold back and so, eventually, you stopped. You watched Till for a moment, his cupid's bow lips slightly parted, hair a mess (like yours propably) and still, despite everything, stupidly handsome. You buried your face at his neck, breathing his warm and masculine scent in. Till put his arms around you and you closed your eyes, feeling reassured by their weight around you. _He isn't leaving._

You weren't sure how it happened but you must have fallen asleep like this, because the next thing you remembered was gently being woken up by Till.  
"Princess, the concert's over.", he told you and you blinked at him, not understanding what he was talking about at first.

"Oh God, I fell asleep.", you realised then, mortified. "Why didn't you wake me up sooner?", you demanded. Till smiled. "Well, you looked pretty peaceful. I didn't want to disturb you after the turbulent day you had."  
You sat up, your legs dangling over Till's armrest sideways. "I had time to think.", he continued, "And I guess I owe you something." You tilted your head, confused. What was he getting at?

Till held out his hand to you, like in a greeting. You stared at it dumbly.  
"Till Lindemann. Singer of Rammstein. That's who I am.", he introduced himself - sounding a bit like he was in pain.  
You felt your face split in a grin, your happiness physically showing.  
"I love you.", you answered, blushing immediately. You hadn't really meant to say that. The corners of his eyes crinkled in a smile but he otherwise didn't call you out on your admission. You tried to recover. You were glad that he seemed to ignore that you had dropped the l-word on him so suddenly. "Rammstein - where have I heard that before?", you asked. Till rubbed his neck, clearly slightly uncomfortable. "We're kind of a big deal. At least if you're into rock or metal." You nodded along. That genre had never been one you had been interested in.

"Will you show me?", you wanted to know from him - you wanted to know what kind of music was his thing. "Show you?", he echoed, coughing awkwardly. "Yeah", you answered, "I'm curious.", you stared at him mischievously. "Or are you embarrassed?"

"No", he countered, "it's just that some of it, well actually a lot of it, is kind of out there and - you might not like it."

You laughed. "If your music resembles you only by a fraction, then I know I'll like it." Smiling, you kissed Till's cheek and pretended not to notice the light flush on his face.

"So what do we do now?", you asked then, slowly stretching and standing up. "I need to tell Richard goodbye but do you want to go out and eat dinner with me afterwards? To catch up on lost time." What a smooth motherfucker. Didn't even bat an eyelash. You agreed, happy that he wanted to go on a date with you (even if it felt strange to call it that - Till just wasn't someone you associated with the word 'date'). The term 'boyfriend' seemed weird too, now that you thought about it. And that actually was something that the both of you had to talk about - what _exactly_ you were to each other.


End file.
